Joyce Carol Oates’ book, A Widow’s Story recounted a detailed analysis of Oates’ emotional “pilgrimage” after the untimely death of her beloved husband.  This period of time in her life marked a very stressful and transitional period, especially when her husband was the center of her life.  Her fairly informal, though insightful inner monologue is written as a widow’s handbook, one that gives widows a chance to identify with someone who has experienced similar circumstances.  Widows can benefit from her psychological and emotional struggle, and her struggle may even help people who have trouble dealing with a loss to be able to voice hidden emotions.  Her personal confessions are definitely depressing.  She redefines grief as an alternate reality characterized by intense confusing emotions, instead of a clear cut idea of typical depression and anger.  People who have lost a loved one or who need help to understand a friend’s grieving process are recommended to read Oates’ book.  Then, analysis is needed in order to fully understand her emotional experience after her husband’s death.

There is great richness and depth through exploring her emotional struggle.  Her thoroughness and emphasis on the different emotions she experiences shows the importance of her husband in her life.  His importance translates to the overall impact of her book as a handbook to widows, one that gives a more realistic depiction of how someone feels after losing a loved one.  Instead of arguing for any particular way of grieving, her honesty depicts how she felt and grieved.  Unfortunately, from lack of experience I cannot evaluate the validity of her sentiments.  Realistically speaking however, not everyone experiences a loss in the way she did.  Throughout the book, she suffers much confusion and extreme depression, which she numbs with ample medication.  She raises issues of how she can continue living life and function on a daily basis without her husband.

In addition, she describes her avoidance of her husband’s absence through most of the book.  Arguably, this is not a healthy way to deal with a death, though her memoir is meant to depict this way of grieving.  I felt that overall, she was far too dependent on the company of her husband and that she could have faced instead of avoiding her grief.  Her avoidance forced her to suffer longer than necessary, for life is too short.  I do not argue that there is a set period of time for someone to grieve; however, healing is the most important objective.  Also, her tone throughout the book troubled me.  She exhibited constant periods of self pity and did not consider seeking help from friends who might have shared similar experiences.

In summation, the entire duration of the book recounts her analysis of her lows, but the end of the book does not resolve any of the problems she faced.  Her hanging ending gives the reader a chance to decide for herself how to interpret approaching life after such a hardship.  Her personal anecdotes of little aspects of daily life that make living alone so difficult are quite convincing and heart wrenching.  Together, all these seemingly small nuances of life become harsh reminders of her reality.  In addition, her command of writing as an author and professor gives the story immense merit.  Much of her expressions emphasize the terrifying reality of depression in relation to medication and suicide.  Also, her story shows how medication seems to be the beacon of hope for people who cannot pull themselves back to reality.  In order to better understand her emotional rollercoaster, specific examples depict her story.

Specific parts of her memoir show her mental processes.  She initially decides that her world has been “…reduced to a world of things.  And these things retain but the faintest glimmer…of its original identity and meaning,” (Oates 2007).  She argues that this emptiness characterizes her new life, and that arbitrary objects reinforce her feelings of depression.  To depict her grieving process, she claims that, “It’s the weeping of sheer despair, self-loathing – This is what I am, this is what I’ve become.  This is my life now.”  This particular example shows the depth of her depression, and marks the beginning of her rollercoaster.  Then she transitions to proclaiming, “How healthy it would be, to be angry!  To be an angry person, who blames others for her misfortune!”  Throughout the book, she transitions back and forth between anger, frustration, and extreme depression.

Her monologue characterizes her radical pattern of grief and emotions; she feels this is her personal way of grieving.  At the same time however, these erratic emotions are not solely unique to her grieving process.  Again, she describes her grieving though her lengthy list of medication used to treat, “for anxiety, depression, insomnia…”  All these conditions define her roller coaster of a grieving process.  Then she randomly contemplates, “If I was to take my own life it will not premeditated but impulsive.”  She has these extreme highs and lows that she feels widows naturally experience.  Lastly, avoidance is an important part of her grieving, “Yes my husband died…Now can we change the subject?”  Instead of facing reality and trying to heal, she admits that, “You don’t really – ever – say good-bye.”  However unhealthy this feeling is for a grieving person, she essentially argues that avoidance is natural.  Overall, her memoir proves that there is no one particular way to grieve, and that she wants her story to help other women struggling through the same emotional rollercoaster.

Her pilgrimage acts as an effective guideline for widows to help understand what they may feel after losing a loved one.  I believe that her book achieved the purpose of helping women analyze their struggle and heartache in order to recover.  Her heart wrenching descriptions allow for the reader to easily empathize, regardless of experience.  The part of her story she did not discuss was life after her period of grief.  I feel that her ending gave the reader the feeling of unresolved emotions and hopelessness.  If she had shared her activities and life after healing, her ending would have given more motivation to keep living life.  Though, it seems she wants the reader to decide her own ending of how to live life and find self motivation.  I do not have any personal experience with losing a loved one, though I feel her words would help me through my healing process.  I have realized that her realistic and intimately detailed depiction of grief should be a “…gift freely given,” for life should be valued.

Work Cited

Oates, J. C. (2007). A widow’s story. (p. 415). Harper Collins Publishers.

When faced with the reality of death, experiencing “…emotional pain when such things occur is considered perfectly normal behavior.”  Theorists like Elizabeth Kubler Ross have suggested a particular model of grieving when people face death or face the death of a loved one.  Grieving is a complex process and comprises “…all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions.”  Many people experience these emotions at different times and in ample ways.  There has been sufficient debate about the most popular way in which people grieve.  However, similar to differences in individual personalities, there is variation in peoples’ grieving processes.  Instead of being confined to a specific grieving process, listed below are some examples of emotionally handling a loss.  Some examples include Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ Five Step grieving model, a “roller coaster model”, and projection.

One of the most popular models for grieving is Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ Five Step grieving model.  Through her study of thanatology, or “…study of death and dying…” she discovered that many people typically experience the following five stages during their healing process: “denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.”  Each of these stages is characterized as its own exclusive category, like a challenging road map with scary pit stops along the way.  However, the Cincinnati Post stated that “…not all terminally ill progress through these stages.”  Not everyone goes through the stages in the exact order previously mentioned; some people do not even feel the emotions that others experience.  Humans are not carefully calculated machines to feel emotions in a logical order.   Yet, this model of the five stages of grief is quite useful in understanding some of the complex emotions that humans endure.  Another possible way to grieve is through more of a roller coaster model.

Some people have gone through what an online therapy resource states as a roller coaster model of grieving, subject to much more varying “highs and lows.”  There are typically more lows than highs that are characterized and “deeper and longer” periods of sadness.  As compared to the five stage model presented by Kubler Ross, this is a better representation of how individual the grieving process is.  “Each person will grieve for a loved one in a different way. The length and intensity of the emotions…will also vary from person to person.”  As Theravive, an online resource for therapy states, if left alone or “…unchecked…grief can quickly turn into deep depression.”  Depression is very “…common for people...” who are not able to confront what they are feeling.  In addition, this model acknowledges that someone’s “…response to grief might be highly individual,” as mentioned by Edward T. Creagan M.D. with relation to crying.  People often express their depression through crying, although this is not the only way in which people show their sadness.  The lack of control that people feel over their emotions is typical of this type of grieving model.  Instead of an uncontrollable model of grieving, some people handle death through a process called projection.

Instead of a very direct way of grieving, projection entails more of a subconscious reassignment of their emotions.  Joseph Burgo PhD. talks about the psychological obstacles to grief and the grieving process in that instead of ignoring emotions, people completely detach or “split” from their feelings.  This detachment qualifies as a psychological “defense” from pain or grief.  For example, Burgo remained very rational when making medical decisions for his dog, Maddy.  He decided that a medically induced death was the best option and projected his pain onto his family in order to maintain a logical perspective.  However, dealing with death is not based on logic, Burgo admits.  Projection is definitely a way in which people avoid dealing with pain while grieving.  Another example is when my uncle committed suicide, and my mother projected her pain onto me.  Rather than dealing with the pain of her brother’s death, she explained to me all the logical preparations for the funeral she was doing; within the same conversation, she used words that emotionally hurt me as her response to my neglecting her.  I had previously neglected to call her for a long period of time, and she used this as her mode of projection.  Avoidance is an accurate term for characterizing this almost lack of grieving style.

There is no one specific way in which to grieve; however, the five step grieving model, the roller coaster model, and projection are some ways in which people grieve.  Strong evidence and debate support the five step model, but not everyone fits into the specific order or categories mentioned.  People also feel uncontrollable emotions or the need to defend against their grief.  No matter how people grieve, healing is the most important factor when dealing with a great loss or when facing death.

In America, society generally endorses a negative view of aging.  Cultural aspects like the media portray the older demographic as “‘…comical, stubborn, eccentric, and foolish.’”  Even though elderly people are disrespected in the United States, there is one ritual that is consistently celebrates being older.  Quite popularly in the America, various restaurants, and over “150,000 businesses” adopted the practice of senior discounts http://www.seniordiscounts.com/.  Senior discounts are perks to being older and highly promote positivity toward aging.  In order to show how senior discounts are the best ways to create a happier perspective about aging, senior discounts are compared to other forms of benefits of being older

Senior discounts are the best ways to transform the perspective toward aging.  Restaurants like Ihop, movie theaters, museums, and transportation agencies authorize senior discounts http://www.retiredbrains.com/Home/Senior+Living/Discounts+for+Seniors/default. aspx.  Through corporate establishment, discounts for seniors became a nationalized practice.  Older people can quickly browse online in order to find all the consistent discounts seniors receive.  “Considerable consistency in their attitudes and beliefs” is highly valued among the elderly, which adds to the importance of corporate consistency and senior discounts.  Also, seniors have the possible option of discounts every day; at McDonnald’s, seniors get a “…discount on coffee every day,” http://www.retiredbrains.com/Home/Senior+Living/Discounts +for+Seniors/default.aspx.   In addition, MUNI has a “0.75 cent” discount pass that seniors can use every day http://www.sfmta.com/cms/mfares/fareinfo.htm.  In this way, seniors have an opportunity quite often to view their age in a positive way.  After reviewing the positivity of senior discounts, other means of social practices for the older demographic will be considered.

Greeting cards and family celebrations are analyzed in order to establish that the senior discounts are more consistent and promote better positivity toward aging.  There are countless greeting cards that “…compare human aging to wine aging,” (Pipher 1999) and send a very negative message.  This shows that greeting cards tend to be inconsistent in their messages and can potentially be harmful to the mentality of older people.  Celebrations for elders are not consistent across sub-cultural practices.  People of African and Asian decent have mentioned that “Birthdays are not special,” http://silverinternational.mbhs.edu/v163/V16.3.04a.birthday.htm; this shows that not all parts of America celebrate elders.  In addition, family birthday celebrations are wonderful; however, not all families can afford them for their elders.  According to William Thompson and Joseph Hickey, “14 to 20%” of the population in America is “Lower Class” and these people cannot afford to pay for elaborate birthday celebrations when they live off the government http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SocialclasintheUnitedStates.  Realistically, plenty of elders within both demographics do not celebrate their birthday either because their sub-culture deems their birthday unimportant or their family cannot afford a large celebration.  Therefore through the analysis of inconsistencies and possible negativity of greeting cards, senior discounts are emphasized as the most consistent and positive.

After analyzing the possible social practices for elders, the senior discounts prove to be the most positive and consistent.  Greeting cards are quite negative and insinuate that elders are compensating for their age.  Birthday celebrations are wonderful; however, some people within different sub-cultures consider birthdays as unnecessary or are unable to afford them.  Elders are regularly celebrated through senior discounts and they can develop a more positive attitude toward aging.  Lastly, senior discounts are a pleasant surprise on a daily basis.  More people should engage in activities that offer senior discounts to positively shape the younger generational perspective on the aging process.

 

After asking my grandmother what she was going to do after retirement, she responded, “Who said anything about retirement?”  She felt that retirement was for “old people” and that she did not consider herself among this demographic.  Later on she exclaims, “I’m going to work until my body won’t let me anymore.”  According to Pew Research Center, approximately “77%” of people will work another job after they retire http://pewresearch.org/pubs/320/working-after-retirement-the-gap-between-expectations-and-reality.  My grandmother is one among many who believe aging begins after retirement; however, American society clings to the stereotype that “…people lose their mental ability,” once they start aging http://dsc.discovery.com/news/afp/20030929/aging.html.  Retirement does not equate to living in a retirement home and halting activity; rather, retirement can give people a sense of rebirth into skills and activities people did not even know they could accomplish.  Contrary to popular belief, there are studies that show mental capability of older people, a high percentage of people who go into secondary jobs, and show the benefits of working after retirement.

There is a high proportion of the older demographic that is more than able bodied to continue work after retirement.  Professor Ian Deary of the Psychology Department at University of Edinburgh conducted a longitudinal study where he tested a group of “about one hundred people” and discovered that most scored better on the test given at the age of “77” than at the age of “11,” http://dsc.discovery.com/news/afp/20030929/aging.html.  Deary further emphasizes that “…metal ability at age 11 is significantly associated with survival up to age 76.”  His study proves that people can not only perform well on tests at an older age, but are also more than capable of higher cognitive function post retirement age.  People differ specifically in the job they are particularly interested in post retirement.

Unlike many people believe, statistics show a high percentage of people working post retirement age in a variety of occupations.  According to Patrick Purcell from the Congressional Research Service, “33% of men aged 65 to 69” were working in 2009; as compared to a lower percentage of “26% in 1990,” http://aging.senate.gov/crs/pension34.pdf.  Purcell focuses on the demographic of the Baby Boomers for emphasis on the growing population of older people still working.  This refutes the belief that older people are incompetent or vast amounts of older people live in retirement homes.  The statistic mentioned above includes millions of people, which implies that more than a select few of assumed older and healthier people maintain employment.  In regard to the importance of working after retirement, there are benefits on the mentality of individuals working after retirement.

There is a range of benefits in regard to working after retirement; fyi Living states, “…people who keep busy are less depressed,”  http://www.fyiliving.com/health-news/retirement-means-second-job-for-most-baby-boomers-2/.  The article also mentions the oldest man in America; he believes the factor of his life that kept him alive so long was working all the time.  Therefore, being active is beneficial to peoples’ levels of happiness.  fyi Living further argues that people are happier when they are forced to be busy; this research done by the American Psychological Association proved activity is largely beneficial to overall happiness, http://www.fyiliving.com/mental-health/depression/the-trick-to-staying-happy/.  Also, there is a wide variety of jobs people partake in after retirement.

After people retire, many take on a job within various fields.  The Real Success Retirement Center brings to light the some possible fields for secondary employment.  “Customer greeter, Tour guide, and Bed and Breakfast owner” are some of the highest concentrated fields of work post retirement.  The Merrill Lynch Retirement Study also calculated that “27%” of people become consultants and “20%” are teachers http://www.real-success.ca/retirement_jobs.html.  These results show that retirement does not restrict people and their potential.  Actively taking up a second job is psychologically important to many people, including my grandmother.  If people feel that they still have maintained enough physical and mental ability, many of them will continue contributing to society.  Even if a person’s job does not change the world, people still crave the opportunity to stay active and avoid becoming dependent on society, (Pipher 1999).

The importance of retirement gives people a chance to challenge many ageism stereotypes and a sense of rebirth into a new career.  My Grandmother is one among many who remain productive until her body or mind restricts her.  Despite the belief that older people are not capable of mental functioning after retirement, many people – as shown in the studies – are fully paid employees with excellent mental functioning.  Retirement is a second chance for the older demographic who choose not to settle for a life of full dependency on retirement homes.  Society’s concept of old age has morphed into one of great possibility.

What do people eat on a daily basis?  In America especially, people “…are getting nearly one-third of their calories from junk foods,” http://www.naturalnews.com/001109.html.  Thus, the older demographic will not maintain a healthy life with eating this way.  Many people assume that aging entails loss of physical function and pain; including a proper diet allows people to enjoy better comfort through aging.  More specifically, the older demographic of society can highly benefit from a detailed layout of foods that will not only be healthy, but will also have a positive impact on the process of aging.   The secret to longevity and quality of life is diet; there are positive affects for the mind as well as the body.

The Body is a temple, which needs healthy calories as people age.  The Vegetarian Resource Group explains that energy absorption is reduced in older age, which may be due to a, “natural decline in the rate of metabolism.”  The article also mentions that there is a decrease in physical activity influences, which influences the amount of calories needed, http://www.vrg.org/nutrition/seniors.htm.  For the older demographic, there is an intricate balance between calorie intake and physical activity.  In addition, Sara Kovatch and Gina Kemp state that people can have “Constipation” from lack of fluid or fiber.  Kovatch and Kemp go on to explain that medications “with aluminum hydroxide or calcium carbonate,” are problematic for regularity http://helpguide.org/life/senior_nutrition.htm.  Many seniors take medication; in these cases, people with digestive issues are advised to take more natural forms of fiber.   However, as Kovatch and Kemp mention, a high fiber diet can guide people around the limitations of their medication.  Also, they mention that senses are dulled in older age, which tempts people to smother their food in salt and sugar.  Kovatch and Kemp emphasize that naturally flavoring food is the best nutritional alternative.  Along with crucial affects on the body, eating healthy equates to major benefits for a healthy mind.

As for the importance of nutrition for the brain, Rosalie Marion Bliss from the United States Department of Agriculture claims, “…that certain…key chemical compounds” are important for a healthy brain. Without key vitamins like B12 and iron, people are likely to have “impaired cognitive function due to neurological, or nerve fiber, complications,” http://www.ars.usda.gov/is/AR/archive/aug07/aging0807.htm.  Multiple parts of the brain benefit from supportive nutritional health, like the healthy function of neurons.  Healthy neurons, as Bliss explains, allow for larger capacity of communication within the brain and fight against brain degenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s.  The article quotes further studies on rats, which show that the properties of blueberries help breakdown plaque formation in the brain and the proliferation of neurons; thus, the blueberry properties improve cognitive function for rats with Alzheimer’s.  This study also concluded that blueberries increase memory storing parts of the brain, like the hippocampus.  Therefore, there are many cognitive benefits from eating nutritionally.  Maintaining crucial brain function is essential to balancing the mental activity of the body.  After establishing the benefits of nutrition for the brain, the older demographic needs an effective dietary plan.

People are confused as to which foods or nutrition specifically target against unhealthy aging; here are some suggestions made by Tufts University: people need to eat “whole, enriched, and fortified grains…such as 100% whole wheat bread.”  These starches are better than bleached starch with high sugar and preservatives.  In addition, “bright-colored vegetables” and “deep-colored fruit,” are rich in “antioxidants.”  To keep fat under control, “low- and non-fat dairy products such as yogurt and low-lactose milk” are good for the body.  For leaner protein options, “dry beans and nuts, fish, poultry, lean meat and eggs” are better than the favored choice of bacon or fatty meats.  People need to increase their use of vegetable and olive oil, instead of butter and salt.  http://nutrition.tufts.edu/research/modified-mypyramid-older-adults.  All these foods are distinguished as truly beneficial for all people, but the aging demographic more specifically.  This will eliminate the confusion as to which foods or nutritional information will guide people in the healthy direction.

In essence, not only do vitamins and healthy nutrition increase body function among the older demographic, but brain functions as well.  An accurate balance of nutrition can fight against painful aging, as well as decreased brain function and disease.  People underestimate the power of simply changing a few aspects of their routine to improve their quality of life.  However, nutrition is one of the essential aspects of longevity.

In order to stay young, vibrant, and healthy; people have to swing their hips and move their feet with dancing.  Many people become discouraged as they go through the years to stay physically active because their bodies become reluctant to move.  This happens especially because diets have become fattier, and people have adopted sedentary lifestyles.  The above mentioned lifestyle leads to faster aging and a higher dependency on medical treatment to prolong life.  A superior holistic approach to improve health and overall well being is dancing.  People ages sixty and older of all cultural backgrounds and circumstances would benefit from taking up dancing; dancing can reduce or prevent certain illnesses,  provide many benefits, and there are plenty of options in regard to accessing the opportunity to dance.

All people can benefit from dancing; however, there are certain illnesses highly reduced or prevented by dancing.  The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states that people with “…heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, and high blood pressure…” have a higher mortality rate, and those who dance tend to, “…outlive those who are inactive,” http://aspe.hhs.gov/health/reports/physicalactivity/.  Sadly the article continues to say that, “approximately one-third of persons age 65 or older lead a sedentary lifestyle.”  Due to the increasing amount of inactivity, diseases and health issues mentioned above become more prevalent among society’s older demographic.  With a regular dance regimen, people will give their bodies the strength and conditioning they need to stay healthy and guard against these life threatening illnesses.  Unfortunately, becoming motivated to dance is half the battle.

In regard to motivational purposes, people should suggest to their family or loved ones to join them dancing or ask them to search for dance opportunities together.  Therefore the initial hurdle of putting themselves out of their comfort zone will not be as daunting.  Also, there are many places where people can go dancing: dance halls, any open space where people schedule their own dance parties, on the internet for private dance workshops, community centers, ball rooms, or even private homes.  Optimistically speaking, dancing should be a part of an everyday routine; however, many people do not have that kind of time.  In reality, exercise or dancing routines should be included two to three times a week for at least an hour.  Motivation and encouragement from family and loved ones will help overcome many physical challenges.

As to the benefits of dancing, people can cultivate their social life, improve physical movement, and most importantly, increase their health.  Dancing betters peoples’ bodies by increasing blood flow to the entire body, giving more strength to the heart and other bodily organs, as well as bones and muscles.  A higher level of strength positively influences a person’s self image and self esteem; this in turn will encourage people to mingle and enhance their emotional health.  An active social life and emotional health combine as powerful psychological factors of health to prolong life as well as support a better quality of life.  Overcoming the fears of social interaction accesses different parts of the brain related to happiness.  In the brain there are dopamine receptors, which absorb dopamine at a higher rate, thus increasing happiness.  A positive outlook on life with happiness has statistically shown a dramatic improvement in length of a person’s life.

Dancing needs to be an integral part of people’s routines to promote longevity and a healthier life.  Peoples’ physical bodies not only benefit from dancing, but spirits and psychological well beings as well.  Overall, dancing promotes the possibility healthier people and provides a chance to fully enjoy life.